Let’s be honest: there is absolutely no better place to watch Uncle Sam blow up a massive budget of fireworks than from the deck of a yacht. This year is even bigger because America is hitting the quarter-millennium mark. That’s right, it’s the nation’s 250th birthday, and every single person with access to a floating piece of fiberglass is going to be out on the water.

But before you mix that first cocktail and cue up the playlist, we need to talk strategy. Historic crowds mean historic chaos.